July 2 & 4, 2023
Warning: This post talks about the death and suicide of a dear friend of mine. Just in case.
In April of this year, my very good friend and constant backpacking buddy, Johnny took his own life. I will never forget the phone call that I received telling me what had happened. I could not believe and actually got off the phone refusing to believe it. “No, not him, I just texted him. He just texted me back last week.” “You must mean someone else”. I didn’t really process his death for months. Our culture is like that. You never seem to be able to find the time to process things when they happen. You just get busy and keep carrying on, so to speak. You don’t get to heal. Heal. Such a simple word and so hard to do. When you get a cut on your skin, if it’s deep enough, it leaves a scar and never fully heals. It just gets incrementally better, but it leaves a mark. That’s the way I feel. I still encounter vistas and scenes in the wilderness and think, “I need to tell Johnny about this hike, he would love this.” “Johnny is going to love this spot to camp at.” Then I remember I can’t tell him.
My time on the sabbatical was precious because I received so much time in the wilderness to process his death. Johnny would have loved Hannah Mountain and Rabbit Creek Trail. I thought about this the entire time I hiked the Abrams Creek area. I have no indication that my friend ever visited here, but I know in my heart that he would have loved it. He would have loved the bear that I saw as I hiked the 3.2 miles up Parson Branch Road. It saw me for a second, watched me, then scurried up the ridge. He would have strode through this rough trail, enjoying the cobwebs, the steep downhill, the foliage, and creeks. The creek crossings! He would have just stopped and sat in each creek, just to “marinate” in the extreme remoteness. Every facet of this trail would have made him happy.
Hannah and Rabbit are special. You won’t see many hikers; I saw more bears and turkeys than humans and given the terrain, I had to hike these trails over a two day period. At the end, I had the time I needed to get sad about my friend, angry at him and then finally happy that I had some time on this earth with him.
Total mileage is 23.7 miles (over 2 days)
So sorry to hear about your friend. I don’t know if you know, but my PCT hiking buddy, Stix, is doing his hike for mental health and suicide awareness. His son took his own life in 2021. It’s been very inspiring and I was lucky to get to hike with him for a couple of weeks. He is still going and is in southern Washington at the moment. He is documenting his journey on Instagram. Not only is he walking for his son’s memory, but he has taken days to walk for other people who have lost loved ones and friends to suicide. If you want to check it out, search walk_in_memory_and_peace on Instagram. It’s a great follow.
I will do that!!